Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize