the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
