I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
