I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
