If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
