I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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