Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
