he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
