I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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