i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize