She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
