I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm getting married
To pizza
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
