I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
