Sry I called you an 8
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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