Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
