lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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