WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
