watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
