At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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