he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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