So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
