You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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