hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
