a queef is a wish your heart makes.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
