im drinking this country out of the recession.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize