Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
