he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
