I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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