I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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