He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize
