I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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