somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
me + whiskey = a bad person
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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