it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize