you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
