I am midnight drunk by noon
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
This toilet bowl is my home.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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