I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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