you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
