thus making me awesome and them whores
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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