There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize