It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Barsexuality is the new black.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
