Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
