i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
