that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
