I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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