I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
