that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
