News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
