yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
