took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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