this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
do nipples grow back?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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