Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
