I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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