thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
