I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
