im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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