the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
