oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
