i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
