So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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