moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
