Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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