I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
