went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
