hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
