I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize