well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Come share oat with me in your robe
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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