you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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