We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
