I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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