im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
